Forgiveness is easy to write about and sometimes more difficult to do.
Forgive but do not forget! Everything that has ever happened to us has not been an accident or coincidence – if we assume that there is something to learn in every event in our lives, then it would be foolish to intentionally forget any event. The damage comes when we retain an emotional attachment to an event. It is possible to remember what’s important and stay emotionally detached. The only question is how to do that.
Many times, one of the missing links in a healing process is the concept of forgiveness. This isn’t coming from any spiritual or moral point of view. But instead, from a practical one. Until you forgive fully, you are in some way carrying the person or the incident with you. That seems counter-intuitive. If somebody wronged me, why should I forgive them. After all, they are the ones at fault. Sometimes, even legally, you may be proved right.
This way of thinking though misses the point. Do you want to be right or do you want to be healthy? Do you want to maintain the moral high ground and keep your illness or would you prefer to find happiness once again?
There is an old saying that keeping a grudge against someone is like swallowing a poison pill and expecting the other person to become ill. It doesn’t work like that. Until you come to a point where you want to fully forgive a person, then the illness will remain.
We can help to
- Guide you through to the point where you are ready to forgive – this may take a little time, particularly if the person did something very bad to you
- Teach you a process which will make forgiving much easier to do. There are difficult ways to do things and easier ways – you can swim with the tide or against it – we will help you to manoeuvre yourself s that forgiving fully is manageable and achievable, regardless of the events that have occurred
Self-forgiveness can be even more difficult than forgiving another person and many people carry a feeling of guilt or shame around for years. Things needn’t be this way. There is no benefit to carrying shame around with you – it is a waste of valuable energy which you could re-direct elsewhere. There is another way. To come to terms with the past, learn and begin fully living in the present once again. This is a process which few actually get right on their own and using specialist tools and techniques greatly increase your chances of fully moving on.